We had an earthquake this morning. Fortunately, I live in a windowless underground bunker, so I am fine. However, my periscope isn’t working so I can’t tell whether the rest of Los Angeles is still standing or not. I’m glad you all think it’s so funny. I’m 120’ underground with nothing but my laptop and stacks of gold bullion waiting out aftershocks. Right, yes. I’m down here with my computer and my gold and my pony. And I’m tweeting and cleaning my guns. The laptop is powered by the pony on a treadmill. I planned it all out very carefully […] Minions, the pony gave out. I consumed the haunches while still warm. Very little power left on my laptop. Very little oxygen. I’m so weak […] I’m back out. I was turning the doorknob the wrong way. Now I see… I left the lens cap on the periscope. Man, I’m covered in pony blood.